Friday, May 1, 2009

Papa, hold me...

as i rock my sweet littlest before nap time, i am breathless at the intensity of communion between two humans. he nuzzles as deep as he can - face to my neck, and his breath gives me chills. he wriggles and writhes to reach that perfect spot of comfort and familiarity. each of my precious ones is a nuzzler - always has been. (thank you papa, for this is my language of bonding...) but perhaps more than each of them, this one is particular about how he will be held. there's a ritual to be followed. sound machine on. favorite blanket to shoulder. neck nuzzling. prayer, then our family lullaby, and down. never one to be happy in a bed not his own, this one demands the routine, and we, each of "his people," happily oblige.

this day he can't settle. he actually takes my cheeks in his chubby hands, looks deep into my eyes as if to communicate his wishes, and moves my head into a different position; promptly nuzzles again and assumes that "heavier-than-i-really-am" relaxed state.

he is safe, and he is well aware that he is loved. he knows that i long to please him, and he is not afraid to ask for what he needs, even in the way of small comforts.

i want to nuzzle, Papa. i ache to bury my face in your neck and breathe on you and gaze into your eyes. remind me, as you did today, that while you are wild and wonderful, fearsome and all-powerful, you are my Papa who desires me to take your face and call to your heart, for you have called to mine since before i was conceived.

3 comments:

Amie Christine said...

I've been reading a book lately called "crazy love" and learning more about falling totally in love with God... Since the day I found out I was pregnant this is the relationship I can't wait to obtain... It seems like the love that we have for our own children is much like the love the Father has for us... it's so hard to fathom sometimes how unconditional that love is... incredible! :) thank you for this post... makes me look forward to it even more... I thought I made a comment on another blog of yours the other day but I don't think it worked... in the little time I've known you I am in awe of what an incredible wife and mother you are. If I can be half the mom you are some day I will be doing good! Thank you for being such an amazing earthly example for me to look up to! :)

momof4sweetsisters said...

The way you describe, what I feel amazes me........ I had to stave off the tears.

Erika said...

A- This blog was so sweet....I see God in so many minutes of every day and can't even begin to imagine how those times will multiply when I'm blessed enough to be a mommy one day. Thanks for sharing this with us!

Love you....E