leaving a legacy

i may have shared this before, but this photo reminded me again of the journey our family has been on, and of the lessons we are continually learning.  (by "we," i mean me, my broken, ambitious, impatient, self-centered-but-desiring-God's-heart momma-self). 

a few years ago i fell in love hard.  the object of my affection was a little piece of technical equipment designed to help one capture fleeting moments and preserve them, presumably, for future recollection.  my camera soon became the object of my obsession, and then had to be replaced for a bigger, faster, more adaptable one.  before long, there came the opportunity to use that camera to add to our family's income, and i had more reason to tinker, to upgrade, to stay up all hours learning how to use it in newer, more innovative, and more technically correct ways.  i am becoming the proverbs 31 woman, i reasoned!  i am considering a field and planting it; i am rising up before the dawn and attending to the affairs of... my household?

i often frustrate at all that i do not know about my camera, but i love that i can use it to help others collect and keep their fleeting moments, too.  i love that this piece of technology, which is so elusive and captivating to me in its possibilities, can become an instrument used to display my Papa's beauty in people, in places, and in emotions.

in the beginning it was my obsession.  by this i mean i didn't want to share it.  this little thing called selfishness so easily rules my heart, especially as a homeschooling mama, and i reason, "i share everything with them.  they get all my time and energy and i deserve something just for me."  ironically, that "me" thing is also what i want to use to "leave a legacy" through the images it captures; the "me" part interferes in its proper use.

after prodding and hinting and all-out begging, i gave in and handed over my precious, and allowed my children to give it a go.  i was amazed at their ability to pick up the technical aspects more quickly than i can and their unique perspective of the same things i observed.  and soon, my thing became our shared love.  even my dear husband has become interested in the art of photography, and i am in awe of his vision as his technical knowledge grows.

all this to say that sometimes, our Papa gives us a gift that He intends us to use for His glory, and we allow it to replace Him.  we allow it to supercede the importance of those He has given us to love, and we allow it to consume the energy He intends us to lavish on loving Him.  it is my constant battle to balance honoring Him by honing the art and craft, with setting it aside and washing his feet with my hair.  sometimes i do that by reading His love letter to me; sometimes it is in listening to another artist's musical renderings of a love affair with Him; sometimes it is just in sitting at the little beat-up wooden school table and helping my twelve year old with his long division.  and yes, sometimes it is in handing over my camera equipment to allow my children to leave a legacy of their own.

oh teach me Lord, to walk in your ways.