delish.

Perhaps my blog may faint from shock after so long a time of under-use.  I intend to write - I do.  I write in my head.  Then someone needs a bottom wiped and someone needs a paper proofread and someone needs a newborn session and ... another silent day passes.

But today, I write.  Because I have cooked for two solid weeks (or at least I have planned and shopped and occasionally photographed) and I must share.

We sat at the table one night and my second announced, "I provided this meal for my family." Chest puffed proud and ornery-humor-sparkle in his eye, he pronounced right.  On the hunting trip with Papa, he and brother and dad hunted five deer.  I may once have been the mom who said, "My child will never..." but watching the honor my father in law shows the kill and the firearm, and pride with which our sons offer the meat that will nourish our family forces me to give thanks... for my boys becoming men.  For the honorable death to provide life (am I morbid?  or philosophical?).  And frankly, for the delicious Venison Stroganoff that graced our table.

It was hearty, and filling, and perfectly warming on a Florida "winter" evening; perfect to follow a heated basketball game.

(I've joined the Allrecipes.com Allstars team this year, so I'll hopefully be sharing more often.  Looking forward to stretching our foodie muscles!  For the delicious recipe, click the name above and you'll be taken to the link at Allrecipes.com, my more-than-a-decade favorite recipe website!)

blog challenge - ralph waldo emerson

Divine Idea by Fabian Kruse

Imitation is Suicide. Insist on yourself; never imitate. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Write down in which areas of your life you have to overcome these suicidal tendencies of imitation, and how you can transform them into a newborn you – one that doesn’t hide its uniqueness, but thrives on it. There is a “divine idea which each of us represents” – which is yours?

(Author: Fabian Kruse)

hhmmm... it's true, imitation is such a temptation, and is so easy to do almost subconsciously!  for instance, as an artist inspired by others who freely share, it's easy to find the works of those i admire showing up as shadows in the work i create.  i want desperately long to  be different, to go above (and i mean this in the God-sense) what anyone else has done... not because i want to be so much better than another, but because i believe i have a calling with each word i write, each time i talk, and each portrait i create, to speak the heart of the Creator.  if so, He has chosen me, and therefore my voice must be true to His tone; my message must be from His heart; my song must be unique to my His voice.

in my dress, my tone, my calling in my home, my mothering of my children, and my honoring of my husband, i ache to have a melody that is my own only; a reflection of my Papa-God's beauty in a life well-lived.  i have a long way to go... but i do know that it will happen only is watching for visions of Him, not the life-appearance of another, and in listening for His voice, not listening solely (or primarily) to the words and thoughts of another (even another i love and respect!).

i accepted a challenge a few days ago.  i'd read quotes on "self reliance" and blog about them each day.  the challenge came through seth godin's blog, and i adore him, so i took the challenge.  here's my first post.  haha!

untitled.

i saw a blog post today by a woman who's told me she's "obsessed with me" and "obsessed with 'my' work."  it was a photography post and as i read, i felt like the object of a saturday night live parody.  except that i don't think it was intended that way.  which led me to thinking, "am i really that silly?"

yes.

"i praise you, o Lord, for i am fearfully and wonderfully made."

i am overweight.  i get angry easily.  i am filled with self-doubt and arrogance and judgmentalism and fear and critical thoughts and often hate myself for not being the woman i know God wants me to be.

"your works are wonderful!  i know that full well."

i have wave after wave of awe at creation and the One who created it.  i gush at the beauty of subjects before my lens and i am astounded at the privelege of capturing love in its purest sense.

"your works are wonderful."

i rarely stop long enough to soak in the raw natural beauty of nature, but when i do, i am speechless.

i shout inwardly in anger at my God who is my Papa and whom i want to rescue me from my wickedness.  who has.  and whose rescue i know not how to accept.

"i praise you, o Lord, for i am fearfully and wonderfully made."

i fail.  i fail.  i fail again at loving.  at respecting.  at disciplining this broken flesh.

i wonder, what would happen if i let it all hang out?  the fat?  the fear?  the anguish at being so weak, so small, so helpless?

"i praise you, o Lord."

can i?  can i praise Him?  in the midst of so much inadequacy?

i know, i know... shield yourself from the public.  people are watching.  they see what you share and you become vulnerable.

what would have happened if Paul had internet?  if he blogged?  would his self-recognition of inadequacy have undermined the truths he spoke so passionately?

i am artist.  i am mother.  i am wife.  i am so little and so very muchafraid...  what if i tell the world?

{before she goes to assist on her first destination wedding}

March 25, 2011

Beautiful-girl...

I am so proud of you!! In the last year you have magically (or with the help of Jesus...) grown so much from a timid little girl, to a brave, confident soon-to-be-young-lady, who can conquer nerves and dive into the unknown to do things most little girls wouldn't even dream of!

I can't believe you're going off to the other coast of Florida to shoot a wedding, and that another photographer requested your services! You'll be such an example of what it looks like to be a smart, funny, creative, talented, and courageous daughter of the King of Kings. You make us proud to be your mommy and daddy.

Remember to pray and ask Jesus for confidence and wisdom, and don't hesitate to ask the grownups for anything you need, or for advice if you need it. Be sure to wear sunscreen and rest when you can. Watch your camera settings (raise your ISO if you need to, choose auto white balance if you have a hard time, and remember to watch your shutter speed!) and most importantly, study the life around you. Your eye is important, and your vision is unique from anyone else's... there's a reason YOU have been chosen for this!! You'll see things differently than anyone else can, and you'll give the gift of your perspective through the lens!!!

So proud of you, angel-girl, and so excited to watch you growing in all you can be in your Papa-God. Love you MORE!!!

Mama



flashback to autumn

making "beignets" with daddy.  bacon and juice and cream-laden coffee on a school day.  it's spring now and we feast on strawberries and still our coffee, but we daydream of cool mornings and splurges.  :)





hold me

darling, and together we'll scare away the storms that rock our sometime-world.  breathe softly on my neck and warm away the chill of night, and sing deeply to me as we await the sunrise that shimmers hope across the horizon.  hold my hand, love, and lead me by your side through the tall grass maze of choices and happenstance and Calling that make up this temporary life.  draw close our little ones, soul-friend and faithful lover, and together let us dance a joyous rhythm to heart-songs sung in family-harmony.

a day in the life {florida wedding photographers}

i was finishing a recent engagement session gallery when i came upon this image my hubby grabbed.  normally we don't take Little on sessions, and usually only the ones who love photography will take turns shooting/assisting.  because of special circumstances, we took all five to Orlando's UCF campus for this session with the really awesome Paige & Tim duo.  i was in awe of how well everyone did, and this image makes my heart smile... he was so patient and respectful and interested in the goings-on.  :)